1_cantu

Monica Cantu

English 1302.29

November 15, 2000

Spanking and Discipline: A Controversial

Issue Among Parents

Parents raising children in this world face many controversial issues in the form of actions taken to discipline their children. Most parents want the best for their children, but one of the biggest obstacles most parents face is disciplining them as they grow up. Although most parents do not like punishing or disciplining children when they misbehave, a disciplinary action may have to be taken when they do not obey. Peg Roen states, "No matter how perfect your parenting skills may be, misconduct happens-often in the wrong places, at the wrong times, and under the worst conditions" (102). Most actions children take under certain situations, whether they are positive or negative, are unpredictable. Parents should be prepared for any surprises their children convey upon them in public or in front of family members. Some parents believe spanking their children is abuse, while others believe it is a tool that is sometimes necessary. In Paul Hampel's article it states: "Spanking out of anger or frustration, or with the intention or causing harm, are counter-productive. Those are the spankings that teach children to deal with their emotions violently and cause resentment." Some parents may argue that spanking their children is abusing them, but many parents do not realize there is a difference between spanking and hitting. Spanking is a corrective action done out of love, and hitting is a malicious action done out of anger. "Spanking can be an effective tool in disciplining a child . . . it is necessary in some instances. But spanking must be administered appropriately and consistently" (Hampel). No matter what the situation is parents should always be aware of what form of discipline they are going to choose, whether it be spanking, time-outs, or a loss of a privilege.

Harlon Spector wrote in a newspaper article, "Opponents of physical discipline say adults generally spank because they were spanked, and the tradition teaches children poor ways to handle frustration and that hitting solves a problem." Spanking should not always be looked at negatively, but should also be seen as a tool for helping children who just will not listen. All children have their own character. Some children are quiet and shy, while others are loud and outspoken; this does not mean that one child is more well-behaved than the other child is. Some children may learn just by taking away a privilege or being put in time-out, but others may not, and spanking may be the only resolution the parents have. In Lynn Rosellini's reports she states that the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) held a conference in 1996 on corporal punishment and concluded spanking may be an effective backup to other forms of discipline (52). Although most parents do not like the idea of spanking their children, sometimes it comes to the point that the children need more enforcement of the punishment they receive. Dr. Aminifu R. Harvey, clinical social worker and associate professor at the University of Maryland Baltimore School of Social Work, expresses "Spanking is about getting the child's attention so they can have some fear of reverence for you. As a child matures, the fear turns into respect" (qtd. in Giles133). Respect is a very important character that children should learn, and if they do not have respect for their parents, then more than likely they will not have respect for anyone else. In "How to Discipline a Child" it states, "If you want to effectively discipline your child, they must trust and respect you."

"Giving in to a tantrum only perpetuates the behavior" (Roen 103). Giving children what they want all the time may cause them to lose respect for the parents. If parents let their children eat one more cookie or let them play ten more minutes before bedtime this may signal children that they are wearing their parents down and closer to getting their way (Roen 103). Parents showing these kinds of weaknesses to their children may cause them to rebel more, and know they can get away with things without receiving a punishment for their misbehaver. Parents should demonstrate that keeping their rules is mandatory, and if their children do not abide by them consequences will be enforced. In Berry Brazelton's "Discipline is About Teaching, Not Punishment," he states that parents have the responsibility of using a punishment that will get the children's attention, and if the child will not listen, then experts have agreed that a minimal amount of physical discipline is necessary. Children need to learn leadership, and parents should be the role models that children need to learn leadership. "Children today would not be such a mess if parents stopped coddling them and started setting firm limits enforced with serious consequences that include spanking (Hampel).

Many parents may not realize that every day their children may be maturing and changes are occurring in their lives. In "A Longitude Study of Mothers' Overreaction Discipline and Toddlers' Externalizing Behavior," Susan O'Leary states, "One assumption is that the parenting we attempt to modify is to some extent a stable parent characteristic and not temporary approach to parenting that parallels relatively short-lived developmental changes occurring in the child" (331). Parents have to be consistent in the rules they set up for their children; inconsistency may cause children confusion.

"Dysfunctional parental discipline is a primary target of change in most parenting intervention. It is described as overreactive, harsh, emotionally charged, negative, coercive, overly strict, controlling, and authortarian (O'Leary 331). Parents may not always have to resort to spankings. If the parent is consistent in their punishment, their children may realize that if they obey the first time when told not to do something or put in a time-out, they will not have to get spanked. "Time-outs successfully control misbehaviors if the [parent] prepares a foundation for using the time-out, carefully considers each situation and the target individual, and administers the time-out appropriately" (Johnson 34). A few minutes placed in a room for time-out may help children think of what they did wrong, and may help them realize what they did was wrong. Time-outs should be given to the children right when they misbehave, so that the child may have a fresh memory of their misbehavior. "The time-out must remove the individual from a rewarding environment" (32). By taking children out of the rewarding environment, and wishing they were outside playing with their friends, cousins, or whoever they may be playing with. This may cause the children never to do what they did again. Although time-outs may help some children, some are too young to comprehend what a time-out is. " Spanking is for more effective than time-outs, especially for younger children with whom you cannot reason" (Spector). Younger children do not have the mind that older children have, so placing them in time-out may not have any significance to them. Spanking the younger children may help them realize their misbehavior, but if the children are an age where they understand, then parents should try putting them in time-out before spanking them. "Time-outs are even more effective when combined with other behavior-change strategies" (Johnson 34).

Losing special privileges like watching television, going outside to play, or letting friends or cousins come over to the house to play may also help children. Being grounded from special privileges may be a useful disciplinary tool in these children's lives. "Parents need to be able to communicate effectively with their children" (discipline). Without communication, neither the children nor the parents, may help each other with the disciplinary actions taken by the parents. "Punishment is a part of discipline as is reward. Many parents do not want to hurt their children by being "strict" but children . . . need strong leadership" (discipline). Without discipline, the children may not realize what they are doing is wrong, and end up getting hurt physically or in some trouble by the law. Although many children may not understand why their parents are strict with them while they are growing up, many realize when they are adults that it was for their own good. Parents disciplining their children while they are still young and vulnerable to trust in everything their parents do and say, may hinder their children as they get older to stay out of trouble and danger. As children grow up they also need to be praised if they do something good.

Rewarding children when they are obedient to their parents may demonstrate to them that they are not the only ones putting effort into the parent-child relationship, but their mother and father also acknowledge they are obedient and not just notice when they are disobedient. "Show them [children] that good behavior has benefits. Reward their behavior or achievements" (discipline). To most children their parents may be the most important persons in their lives, and a parent's trust may be very significant to them. Although parents should let their children know they are in charge, they should allow them to have new privileges as they gain their parent's trust (discipline). The trusting done between the parents and children may influence their relationship. "Children can influence their parents, however, parents also apparently influence their children" (O'Leary 336). If parents themselves are not disciplined in their everyday life, then disciplining their own children may not have any affect on them. Parents may have to be careful in things they do like drinking, doing drugs, breaking the laws, being unfaithful to each other, lying, and many other things that may affect their children's life. All these things may give their children a negative reaction when the parents are trying to discipline them. Many parents need to realize that the way they live affects their children's lives. No matter in what situation it is, parents need to administer to their children the appropriate form of punishment.

"Disciplining is teaching your children how to learn and grow with them" (Discipline). Although many parents oppose spanking, many still believe that spanking is an effective way of disciplining the children. "Some parents say they cannot stand feeling guilty or out of control, and it was . . . their feelings that prompted them to quit spanking their children" (Davis 494). Parents' guilt, when disciplining, may hurt children who may never learn how to behave properly. Parents should discipline their children no matter what age they are. The younger they learn the easier it may be to get their attention. "Time-outs and other nonphysical punishments are wonderful tools, but when a child simply refuses to listen on an issue that cannot be compromised, such as safety, a parent has the responsibility to use a punishment that will get the child's attention" (Brazelton). Spanking may continue to be a major issue for most parents. Whether parents spank their children or just simply put them in time-out, discipline in their lives is what is important. "Time and again experts have agreed that a minimal amount of physical discipline is necessary and beneficial when trying to get through to a child who won't listen" (Brazelton). Spanking children may be the only way they will listen to their parents. "There is no evidence that a child who is spanked moderately is going grow up to be a criminal or antisocial or violent" (Rosellini 2). Children should not be spanked just because, but when it is necessary, it should be bestowed on them. "Many who approve of spanking acknowledge that its merits are conditional, depending on how it is handled and in what kind of environment" (Spector). Discipline should play an important role in parents' lives as they raise their children.

Sources Cited

Brazelton, Berry T. "Disciplining is About Teaching, Not Punishing." The

Commercial Appeal 16 Apr. 2000: G5.

Davis, Philip W. "Corporal Punishment Cessation: Social Contexts and Parents'

Experiences." Journal of Interpersonal Violence 5 (May 1999): 492-510.

Giles, Dari, and Allision Abner. " To Spankor not to Spank." Essence

June 1999: 132-134.

Hampel, Paul. "Debate Over Spanking Still Rages." St. Louis Post-Dispatch

26 Dec. 1999: E1.

"How to Discipline a Child." <http.//allsands.com/Kids/disciplinedchild_ryl_gn.htm>.

Johnson, Randall. "Time-out: Can it Control Misbehavior?" Journal of Physical

Education, Recreation & Dance 8 (Oct. 1999): 32-34.

O'Leary, Susan G. "A Longitude Study of Mothers' Overreaction Discipline and

Toddlers' Externalizing Behavior." Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology

8 (Oct. 1999): 331-341.

Roen, Peg. "Right Responses to Wrong Behaviors." Better Homes & Gardens

June 1999: 102-104.

Rosellini, Lynn, and Anna Mulrine. "When to Spank." U.S. News & World Report

12 Apr. 1998: 52.

Spector, Harlon. "Should You Spare the Rod? Spanking is Abuse, Doctor Says:

Others Claim Kids Benefit." The Plain Dealer 28 June 1997: Family 1F.









			Monica Cantu English 1302.29 November 15, 2000 Spanking and Discipline: A Controversial Issue Among Parents Parents raising children in this world face many controversial issues in the form of actions taken to discipline their children. Most parents want the best for their children, but one of the biggest obstacles most parents face is disciplining them as they grow up. Although most parents do not like punishing or disciplining children when they misbehave, a disciplinary action may have to be taken when they do not obey. Peg Roen states, "No matter how perfect your parenting skills may be, misconduct happens-often in the wrong places, at the wrong times, and under the worst conditions" (102). Most actions children take under certain situations, whether they are positive or negative, are unpredictable. Parents should be prepared for any surprises their children convey upon them in public or in front of family members. Some parents believe spanking their children is abuse, while others believe it is a tool that is sometimes necessary. In Paul Hampel's article it states: "Spanking out of anger or frustration, or with the intention or causing harm, are counter-productive. Those are the spankings that teach children to deal with their emotions violently and cause resentment." Some parents may argue that spanking their children is abusing them, but many parents do not realize there is a difference between spanking and hitting. Spanking is a corrective action done out of love, and hitting is a malicious action done out of anger. "Spanking can be an effective tool in disciplining a child . . . it is necessary in some instances. But spanking must be administered appropriately and consistently" (Hampel). No matter what the situation is parents should always be aware of what form of discipline they are going to choose, whether it be spanking, time-outs, or a loss of a privilege. Harlon Spector wrote in a newspaper article, "Opponents of physical discipline say adults generally spank because they were spanked, and the tradition teaches children poor ways to handle frustration and that hitting solves a problem." Spanking should not always be looked at negatively, but should also be seen as a tool for helping children who just will not listen. All children have their own character. Some children are quiet and shy, while others are loud and outspoken; this does not mean that one child is more well-behaved than the other child is. Some children may learn just by taking away a privilege or being put in time-out, but others may not, and spanking may be the only resolution the parents have. In Lynn Rosellini's reports she states that the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) held a conference in 1996 on corporal punishment and concluded spanking may be an effective backup to other forms of discipline (52). Although most parents do not like the idea of spanking their children, sometimes it comes to the point that the children need more enforcement of the punishment they receive. Dr. Aminifu R. Harvey, clinical social worker and associate professor at the University of Maryland Baltimore School of Social Work, expresses "Spanking is about getting the child's attention so they can have some fear of reverence for you. As a child matures, the fear turns into respect" (qtd. in Giles133). Respect is a very important character that children should learn, and if they do not have respect for their parents, then more than likely they will not have respect for anyone else. In "How to Discipline a Child" it states, "If you want to effectively discipline your child, they must trust and respect you." "Giving in to a tantrum only perpetuates the behavior" (Roen 103). Giving children what they want all the time may cause them to lose respect for the parents. If parents let their children eat one more cookie or let them play ten more minutes before bedtime this may signal children that they are wearing their parents down and closer to getting their way (Roen 103). Parents showing these kinds of weaknesses to their children may cause them to rebel more, and know they can get away with things without receiving a punishment for their misbehaver. Parents should demonstrate that keeping their rules is mandatory, and if their children do not abide by them consequences will be enforced. In Berry Brazelton's "Discipline is About Teaching, Not Punishment," he states that parents have the responsibility of using a punishment that will get the children's attention, and if the child will not listen, then experts have agreed that a minimal amount of physical discipline is necessary. Children need to learn leadership, and parents should be the role models that children need to learn leadership. "Children today would not be such a mess if parents stopped coddling them and started setting firm limits enforced with serious consequences that include spanking (Hampel). Many parents may not realize that every day their children may be maturing and changes are occurring in their lives. In "A Longitude Study of Mothers' Overreaction Discipline and Toddlers' Externalizing Behavior," Susan O'Leary states, "One assumption is that the parenting we attempt to modify is to some extent a stable parent characteristic and not temporary approach to parenting that parallels relatively short-lived developmental changes occurring in the child" (331). Parents have to be consistent in the rules they set up for their children; inconsistency may cause children confusion. "Dysfunctional parental discipline is a primary target of change in most parenting intervention. It is described as overreactive, harsh, emotionally charged, negative, coercive, overly strict, controlling, and authortarian (O'Leary 331). Parents may not always have to resort to spankings. If the parent is consistent in their punishment, their children may realize that if they obey the first time when told not to do something or put in a time-out, they will not have to get spanked. "Time-outs successfully control misbehaviors if the [parent] prepares a foundation for using the time-out, carefully considers each situation and the target individual, and administers the time-out appropriately" (Johnson 34). A few minutes placed in a room for time-out may help children think of what they did wrong, and may help them realize what they did was wrong. Time-outs should be given to the children right when they misbehave, so that the child may have a fresh memory of their misbehavior. "The time-out must remove the individual from a rewarding environment" (32). By taking children out of the rewarding environment, and wishing they were outside playing with their friends, cousins, or whoever they may be playing with. This may cause the children never to do what they did again. Although time-outs may help some children, some are too young to comprehend what a time-out is. " Spanking is for more effective than time-outs, especially for younger children with whom you cannot reason" (Spector). Younger children do not have the mind that older children have, so placing them in time-out may not have any significance to them. Spanking the younger children may help them realize their misbehavior, but if the children are an age where they understand, then parents should try putting them in time-out before spanking them. "Time-outs are even more effective when combined with other behavior-change strategies" (Johnson 34). Losing special privileges like watching television, going outside to play, or letting friends or cousins come over to the house to play may also help children. Being grounded from special privileges may be a useful disciplinary tool in these children's lives. "Parents need to be able to communicate effectively with their children" (discipline). Without communication, neither the children nor the parents, may help each other with the disciplinary actions taken by the parents. "Punishment is a part of discipline as is reward. Many parents do not want to hurt their children by being "strict" but children . . . need strong leadership" (discipline). Without discipline, the children may not realize what they are doing is wrong, and end up getting hurt physically or in some trouble by the law. Although many children may not understand why their parents are strict with them while they are growing up, many realize when they are adults that it was for their own good. Parents disciplining their children while they are still young and vulnerable to trust in everything their parents do and say, may hinder their children as they get older to stay out of trouble and danger. As children grow up they also need to be praised if they do something good. Rewarding children when they are obedient to their parents may demonstrate to them that they are not the only ones putting effort into the parent-child relationship, but their mother and father also acknowledge they are obedient and not just notice when they are disobedient. "Show them [children] that good behavior has benefits. Reward their behavior or achievements" (discipline). To most children their parents may be the most important persons in their lives, and a parent's trust may be very significant to them. Although parents should let their children know they are in charge, they should allow them to have new privileges as they gain their parent's trust (discipline). The trusting done between the parents and children may influence their relationship. "Children can influence their parents, however, parents also apparently influence their children" (O'Leary 336). If parents themselves are not disciplined in their everyday life, then disciplining their own children may not have any affect on them. Parents may have to be careful in things they do like drinking, doing drugs, breaking the laws, being unfaithful to each other, lying, and many other things that may affect their children's life. All these things may give their children a negative reaction when the parents are trying to discipline them. Many parents need to realize that the way they live affects their children's lives. No matter in what situation it is, parents need to administer to their children the appropriate form of punishment. "Disciplining is teaching your children how to learn and grow with them" (Discipline). Although many parents oppose spanking, many still believe that spanking is an effective way of disciplining the children. "Some parents say they cannot stand feeling guilty or out of control, and it was . . . their feelings that prompted them to quit spanking their children" (Davis 494). Parents' guilt, when disciplining, may hurt children who may never learn how to behave properly. Parents should discipline their children no matter what age they are. The younger they learn the easier it may be to get their attention. "Time-outs and other nonphysical punishments are wonderful tools, but when a child simply refuses to listen on an issue that cannot be compromised, such as safety, a parent has the responsibility to use a punishment that will get the child's attention" (Brazelton). Spanking may continue to be a major issue for most parents. Whether parents spank their children or just simply put them in time-out, discipline in their lives is what is important. "Time and again experts have agreed that a minimal amount of physical discipline is necessary and beneficial when trying to get through to a child who won't listen" (Brazelton). Spanking children may be the only way they will listen to their parents. "There is no evidence that a child who is spanked moderately is going grow up to be a criminal or antisocial or violent" (Rosellini 2). Children should not be spanked just because, but when it is necessary, it should be bestowed on them. "Many who approve of spanking acknowledge that its merits are conditional, depending on how it is handled and in what kind of environment" (Spector). Discipline should play an important role in parents' lives as they raise their children. Sources Cited Brazelton, Berry T. "Disciplining is About Teaching, Not Punishing." The Commercial Appeal 16 Apr. 2000: G5. Davis, Philip W. "Corporal Punishment Cessation: Social Contexts and Parents' Experiences." Journal of Interpersonal Violence 5 (May 1999): 492-510. Giles, Dari, and Allision Abner. " To Spankor not to Spank." Essence June 1999: 132-134. Hampel, Paul. "Debate Over Spanking Still Rages." St. Louis Post-Dispatch 26 Dec. 1999: E1. "How to Discipline a Child." <http.//allsands.com/Kids/disciplinedchild_ryl_gn.htm>. Johnson, Randall. "Time-out: Can it Control Misbehavior?" Journal of Physical Education, Recreation & Dance 8 (Oct. 1999): 32-34. O'Leary, Susan G. "A Longitude Study of Mothers' Overreaction Discipline and Toddlers' Externalizing Behavior." Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 8 (Oct. 1999): 331-341. Roen, Peg. "Right Responses to Wrong Behaviors." Better Homes & Gardens June 1999: 102-104. Rosellini, Lynn, and Anna Mulrine. "When to Spank." U.S. News & World Report 12 Apr. 1998: 52. Spector, Harlon. "Should You Spare the Rod? Spanking is Abuse, Doctor Says: Others Claim Kids Benefit." The Plain Dealer 28 June 1997: Family 1F.